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[Saturday
(22109 @ 1;48)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
ha. got my hair did people!
before :: 
( and afterrr... YAY )
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| fuck this |
[Wednesday
(122408 @ 3;43)] |
now i remember why i stopped posting here.
fuck this shit.
no one even reads it.
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| stressed to the maxx |
[Wednesday
(111908 @ 1;00)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
i'll be the first to admit that since i've moved to arizona that my life has been far from easy.
but everything just keeps building up.. i fear i could lose my job soon.
if i lose my job, i lose my apartment, my car, everything.
i dont know, i just suddenly don't want to be alive anymore...
at all...
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| will post interview part later.. |
[Saturday
(92708 @ 10;04)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
just my answers for now..
i'm at work.. ha.
1) If you could have anything right now, material or not, what would it be and why?
that is a tough one.. to be honest, i just want to be stable. and don't argue that that isn't something, it is. i just want to be able to say i'm on stable ground, that i can pay my bills every month and have money left over. not have to worry about will i have enough for this or that or this..
2) What is your favorite movie of all time?
Boondock Saints. I live for that movie.
3) Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?
Hopefully just happy. And further in life than where I am at now. I will be almost 26 then. I hope my life is better, in teh very least.
4) What is something that makes you feel good about yourself?
Honestly, every time I heard my niece say 'I love you angie' that is the best feeling in the world. it kills me that i never see her, let alone talk to her. a part of me feels empty without her, like i'm not the 'real' me because she isn't in my life anymore. when a young child tells you they love you, you know they mean it
5) Spill a secret about yourself.
Ha. Ive thought about this one since i read the questions in your journal. and for the life of me cannot think of one. its like i keep them secret from myself. i know very few people know that i have PPD. Paranoid Personality Disorder. Everyone wonders why i seem like when someone doesnt call me when they say they would or cannot get ahold of someone for a day or two, why i jump to the conclusions i do. because i cannot help it. it's scary, to know that this disorder controls me and i cannot control it. im 20yrs old and im afraid that i will always be controlled by this disorder.
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|
| sooo |
[Thursday
(92508 @ 12;03)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
so i moved into my new apartment last night.
it's okay, it's a place to live i guess.
it's just a studio, so nothing HUGE or anything lol.
but if anyone wants to send me anything...
cards, letters, gifts. HA
[hinthint21daystilmy21stbirthdayhinthint]
ask for my address with your email and i will let you know!!
ha.
lets see how many friends i really have
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| stolen from Mrs. Norman and Ms. Rose =] |
[Friday
(91908 @ 10;34)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Five Finger Death Punch// |
] |
curious if anyone will do this =\
Leave a comment here & I will:
a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something -- a fandom, song, color, photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask you something I've wanted to know about you
f) Tell you my favorite userpic from your list
g) In return, you need to post this on your own journal
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| starting a fund... |
[Tuesday
(81208 @ 10;50)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
So I'm 20 years old.
And I feel like I'm a mom of a 23yr old.
I think being with him was/is the biggest mistake of my life..
But now that I have a lease with him, I have no where to go.
So I think we should start a fund.
To help me, Angela, save up money so I can move back east.
So I can get away from the guy who is ruining my life.
Because I have no where else to go...
((edittt))
so he just broke up with me.
said that it's too hard for him to keep me happy.
and that he feels like he just a burden to me.
said he'll be out by friday.
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| 3000miles |
[Wednesday
(41608 @ 7;43)] |
I was born in Massachusetts.
I was raised in Massachusetts.
And then the summer before my senior year,
I was taken from Massachusetts.
Arizona isn't a HORRIBLE state,
just more so that I would probably enjoy it,
if I was born and raised here.
Everything I know is back east.
My friends, my family, my life.
I am trying to move back by tax time next year.
Plus, there is this boy and I want to make things work with him the second time around,
I met him 5yrs ago and we were young and stupid.
And well yeah, ha.
I'll be home one day.
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|
| smile big =] |
[Thursday
(41008 @ 8;49)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
so i’ve made a lot of my mistakes in my life, a lot.
but he has to be the biggest one i ever made.
and i am stupid for not listening to people. but love is blind.
and god did he make me an idiot.
but we’re done, he freaked out, he told me to fuck off and i told him i gladly would.
and you know what? for the first time I am damn glad to just never speak to him again.
don’t worry, he’ll text me when he needs something. i won’t give in this time and that’s a promise to myself, no one else.
i deleted his number, it felt awesome.
and no, i am not looking for advice or a shoulder to cry on, because no i havent even felt the urge to cry.
this is just me venting.
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| beyond everyons opinion, ha. |
[Sunday
(4608 @ 4;12)] |
so basically i know everyone hates Josh.
i get why. and i know i keep saying i am done. and then i am not.
on and off a lot, i know.
but i can't give up.
and i did. and we went a few day without talking.
but due to a recent tragedy with a mutual friend,
we started talking again. and he realized lately how much he's fucking up.
and we talked about a lot.
and we're still friends. but we're close just like it was in the beginning.
and he stayed with me last night. and he's staying with me tonight.
and i hope everyone gets mad at me.
it's my life. my choice. and i am happy.
oh and my car window got smashed friday night.
fuck people.
|
|
| In Loving Memory |
[Monday
(33108 @ 7;52)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
morose |
] |
In Loving Memory Of
Scott W. Miller
January 4, 1970
-
March 31st, 2005
AFTERGLOW
I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one,
I'd like to leave an afterglow of smiles when the day is gone.
I'd like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times, and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve to dry before the sun,
Of happy memories that I leave when life is done.
Your life was love and labor.
Your love for your family true,
You did your best for all of us,
We will always remember you.
Today is a hard day for my family. Three years ago he was taken from us and it was just all too soon. I love you Scotty, we all love and miss you so much.
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|
| since myspace sucks for this, ha |
[Friday
(32808 @ 2;05)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
since i have family on myspace and not on here, it's the best place to post it...
My father found out recently he has intestinal cancer... Unfortunately idk how to spell the name and i don't have the paper with me that has the name, so ask me if you're curious and i will let you know tonight when i get home, ha.
it's not treatable because of where it is. they cut as much of the tumor as they could out but anymore and it would go right thru his intestine. and that is what we can only wait for now.
the day it goes through, is the day he dies.
it will be a quick death but an extremely painful one they say.
so the most they can do is make him as comfortable as possible.
a time frame doesnt exist. this could happen tomorrow, it could happen in five years.
we all saw it coming but it's never easy news.
words of wisdom to cheer me up?
and monday is the 3yr anniversay of my cousins death, ekk =[
RIP Scott W. Miller
1.4.70 - 3.31.05
Forever We Will Miss You. <3
oh and Josh and I are officially 100% no questions about it, over, ha.
the whole time i was worried about him doing something with his ex and then 4 days after dumping me and 3 days after saying it's just a break, he fucks her.
yeah, then fuck you.
so we argued a bit thru text this morning and i am picking up my check in about an hour and that is the end of it.
he told me to stay away from his friends they all hate me anyways.
i've talked to a couple already, they don't hate me. and the last time Josh told me not to come around they told me not to listen to him and still wanted me around. so whatever, i do what i want.
grrr
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|
| things looking up.. |
[Tuesday
(32508 @ 9;14)] |
so josh and i had a talk last night.
well it actually started off with him telling me to stay the fuck out of his life.
and then he came and found me at his friends and said we should talk.
we discussed a lot.
and agreed that we are basically on a break.
who knows if we will get back together, but if we do, we agreed not to move back in together.
he's really worried that he fucked up, and i am trying to make him realize he didn't.
it's hard. i love him so much.
i dont care how mad people get, there is a reason josh and i are on a break..
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|
| not a happy easter |
[Sunday
(32308 @ 5;58)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
he dumped me.
the guy i thought i wanted to break up with, got to it first.
and i am miserable.
the tears.
the pain.
i can't do this anymore.
|
|
| finally figured it out |
[Friday
(32108 @ 4;48)] |
in two weeks he's paying me about 100 or so.
that weekend, i'm breaking up with him.
simple as that
|
|
| wish me luck. send me love. |
[Friday
(31408 @ 10;37)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
discontent |
] |
today is the day of surgery.
nothing major.
but it's my first time.
wish me luck.
send me love.
be home this afternoon
|
|
| can i handle.. |
[Saturday
(3808 @ 9;27)] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
this month..
march is a bad month for me.
it has been since he died 3yrs ago.
but this year it's the worst.
its the first year his death really hit me.
and among other things occurring this month.
it kills me that due to my surgery i can't even celebrate his birthday with him.
i have 5 days off. 1 of those days he works, the other 3 he won't be around.
i hate that it's all falling at the same time. i just want to celebrate with him.
at least once a week i cry over his death.
more than once a week other things cause me tears.
this month really breaks me down.
i just want someone to come hold me, tell me to cry it all out.
it's all i need. someone to hold me close.
|
|
| though no one ever reads this |
[Tuesday
(21908 @ 2;57)] |
I just wanted everyone to know that I am running away
I hate this state. I can't do this much longer.
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